I’m the first to admit guilt when it comes to Facebook lurking. More times than I’d like, I find myself checking my feed midday as if it’s a habit. I literally curse at myself when I do this, but so what? I can’t help but see what my friends, family members and acquaintances are up to. The majority of the posts, to be totally honest, are things that I couldn’t care less about. There are two reasons, that I’ll briefly dive into, why I don’t share much on Facebook anymore.
- Erroneous preconceived notions
- The power of the mic
New vegan diet? Cool story, bro.
“This doc is great. Totes check out this doc.”
*Brb, checking into an airport just to let you know I also enjoy Starbucks espressos.
*Selfie. Freaking. Alert.*
It is all, what I call, fluff. Fluff is the lack of substance. It’s shallow. It’s small talk. It’s the reason people speak just to hear their voice. Fluff is telling the people on Facebook that you’re eating a ham sandwich for lunch today as opposed to your usual pb&j. Watch out.
What I’m getting at is that even through Facebook, although it represents the epitome of digitized relationships, parallels human interaction in one way: others will subconsciously pick what they like and dislike about you whether you agree with them or not. It’s all cookie cutter rubbish.
For instance, one time I posted something about tennis. I go to the store a week later and run into someone I know, someone on my list of Facebook friends. We chat quickly, catch up, before he asks, “Hey, so you’re still playing tennis, huh?” I reply, “Yes, I am.” We briefly continue then part ways. Taking my half full basket of groceries to the checkout, I thought about why he asked me about tennis. Oh, I said something about it on Facebook.
To this friend, I suddenly became “the tennis guy.” That’s what he associated me with. Why? Because of something I posted about a whole week before on the Internet — something I nearly forgot about. But you know what? I didn’t want to be the tennis guy. It bothered me. I didn’t want to be the “one thing I remember about him posting about online” guy. I’m more than that. We are more than that. We are far more complex. I don’t want people to get used to me as “the person who likes this” or the “guy who does that.” That’s not me.
I, as a developing human, find something beautiful in the fact that we can choose who we want to be. We have the ability to choose what we want to do. We are constantly growing into ourselves. To this, I say: dare yourself to challenge yourself every single day. Your character develops when you try that one food you don’t like, when you stay up an extra hour doing some work, when you dance outside in the rain, and when you tell someone no instead of yes. Point is, we have choices to face every day. We have a choice to press that “share” button. But I don’t share on Facebook anymore. I don’t want to be boxed up in a certain category, or falsely labeled by someone I hardly even know to be a person that I’m actually not. I won’t be limited to a status update. I will not be reduced to words you’ve read on your smartphone. And I certainly wish to be more than the person you see in the box on my profile page.
Want to get to know me? Let’s rid of the small talk. Let’s not talk weather, let’s talk about the things you care about. Get me in person. Let’s go for coffee, or for lunch. Since I don’t have anything posted Facebook, you can’t ask me about my apartment. You don’t know about that time I took my nephews to the zoo. You have no idea that I’m working somewhere else. So now what? Now, we talk. There is no fluff here. There is only conversation. And that’s how I like it. That’s the kind of stuff that makes me want to see you over coffee again.
I have also discovered that whenever I do (seldomly) post, posts gets attention. Why? Because I’m not abusing the mic. I think of high school, the morning announcements. For the first five minutes you’ve got me, but after a little while your voice will eventually fade away into nothing more than a murmur of a ramble. When I scroll through Facebook and see the same familiar faces post up to five things a day, I’ll usually not pay it any of my time and keep scrolling. This is because they’ve been at the mic too long. I’m hearing what they have to say but not listening, glancing but not retaining. I’m looking for the people on the bench! I know they can make a play. As someone who wants to only say something when it’s important, I certainly am self aware of how often I speak into the microphone.
“Talk low, talk slow and don’t talk too much.” — John Wayne
Because a badass John Wayne quote is standard
As a result of shunning away from the public life *poses for the paparazzi*, I’ve discovered to be happy with the person I am instead of the person that others want me to be or become. I love changing things up every day (and not telling anyone about it), wearing a suit on one day and a sweatsuit the next. I like reading sci-fi’s and bios. I’ll watch a horror one day and a romance the next. I frequently make playlists that include Chet Baker to Rick Ross.
In summary, all this looks and sounds far too didactic. I’ll walk away from the podium, so to speak. These are my thoughts and I hope they are a pinch of interesting. I’d be grateful for a little heart that the bottom of this, truly.
photos by gearpatrol & scribendi
